Broken but Not Defeated: How Recovery Gave Me My Life Back

The majority of my life I was a loving wife and mother. I tried hard to align my life with God’s purpose for me. My life was full of successes and happy times with my husband, my children, and my friends. Alcohol was in my life, but it was only social drinking. I never had a problem with it or any other addiction issues. 

So what the heck happened to me? How am I here now as a recovering alcoholic?

A series of events happened over several years that led to where I am now. Eight years prior, I had decided to live a completely healthy lifestyle and to abstain from any alcohol. It felt great. I felt like I was on top of it and things were good. 

But then I experienced enormous grief and loss combined with the isolation of COVID. I became overwhelmed – it was just too much at one time. And I felt totally alone. 

I remember vividly the day I started drinking again. I had gone through the sudden loss of my husband, and then within a year of my husband’s death, I became extremely isolated during COVID. The straw that broke the camel’s back was an awful day when my beloved dog went under the water at the lake while I was watching him swim. I desperately tried to save him, but I couldn't and he drowned. When I was carrying his body to the garage, I was no longer strong. I was no longer powerful. I was not okay and I just couldn't take it anymore.

That night I began drinking to console myself. I thought I was very clever using alcohol as a self-prescribed medication. It worked great – for a while. I drank in secret. I drank alone. I lied to my children who I’m extremely close to and I see daily. I hid it from my friends. My biggest fear was that I would get caught before I could quit. I tried – I had quit easily before. I wasn’t an alcoholic. But I couldn’t. 

Within two months, I was deathly ill. I finally called my kids and told them I was having a terrible time recovering from the flu. They knew I had been different, but they thought it was an illness. They immediately came over and took me to the ER. The admitting nurse asked my children, “Has she been drinking?” and they said, “Mother doesn't drink.” My first words to the physician when I got in the room were, “I don’t have the flu. I have been drinking heavily for the past few months and I need help.”

When I walked into Silver Sobriety I was scared, demoralized, and ashamed, but I immediately saw smiling faces and was warmly welcomed. When I walked out, I knew I was where I belonged. With the support and the education I have received from Silver Sobriety, my life is now joyful! It is filled with family and the many friends I have made at Silver Sobriety. 

After 3 years of sobriety I continue to attend the Silver Sobriety’s aftercare group twice a week. It is very important to me that I stay connected with my peers for ongoing support, and hopefully I can help others to commit to a life of sobriety.